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By: Dom Ward-Pistone
Movies sadden me. I become distressed every time I sit down in a theater to watch a movie, only to discover that it is yet another satirical comedy, or an unoriginal science fiction thriller, with the same deep-talking bad guy, and invincible super hero. One might be thinking that some dramatic films contain both originality as well as a gripping plot. However, dramas are consistently emotionally distressing; therefore they sadden me as well. That is why I have been driven to write a single, giant review of negativity. The movie I have chosen to bomb is Donald Petrie's not so immortal classic, entitled Miss Congeniality.
Many of you may be wondering just who Donald Petrie is. Well I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. There's a reason why you don't know of him, and that can be seen through garbage he puts on a movie screen. Miss Congeniality stars Sandra Bullock, Michael Caine, and Benjamin Bratt. It is a tale of the moral significance of the Miss America Beauty Pageant. Unfortunately that is the funniest aspect of this movie. The plot is basically about an FBI tomboy who dresses the way she wants and does not care what people think about her. What an admirable outlook upon life! Finally a person who is truly self confident, and who does not need a significant other to fulfill her existence. Unfortunately, towards the end of the film, its social morality seems to take a nose-dive downward, as the protagonist begins to support the entire concept of a Miss America Beauty Pageant. By the end of the film, the virtues of superficial friendships and beauty replace those of individualism, and self-reliance.
This movie is a wretched step backwards for the entire feminism movement, and is not worth a second glance. The director does attempt to capture the negative aspects of the beauty pageant through satirical humor, but his attempts are outweighed by the significance of the protagonist's complete change of character. Words like "sappy" and "worthless piece of garbage" can't seem to even graze the glossy surfaces of this movie's politically incorrect exterior. Virtuous and admirable, this movie is not! If every last copy of the film were crushed, burned, and then spread neatly across the surface of the sun after being spat upon by a tribe of baboons, it would still not do movie history any justice.
Well, maybe that's a bit extreme, but I think I've made my point. Thank you.
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