know what they thought was so funny, but they just kept laughing for a while and then gave me these study guide sheet thingies and told me to go away. I don't understand what the point of these stupid tests are, anyway. I was told that they have everything we learned in the school year, but weren't we already tested on it? Plus, isn't the whole point of school learning meaningless things and forgetting them?
    While I was gone, I heard that that Bush guy became President, or whatever, which I just don't think is fair. I mean, wasn't he already President before that Clinton dude? He should let somebody else have the dignitude of being elected. Gawd, some people just don't have any manners. On a more important subject, I heard that Eminem was nominated for, like, four Grammies, or something. That guy is so disgusting, and I don't know how that can entertain anyone. I mean, it's CNN's job to talk about violence and drugs and sex so graphically; not his. Plus, he should know that if you don't have something nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all. Has he learned nothing from "Sesame Street?" I am way major psyched that I got to see the American Music Awards, though. Britney Spears read those cue cards as if she didn't even write them, and that takes talent. I am surprised at how many different outfits she wore, too. It's amazing how many different ways there are to try and show off your body, so that people don't realize what an airhead you are as quickly. I couldn't have done it better myself.
    Okay, well I'd love to write more, but I have to go find some new winter outfits. I'm looking for an "it's cold outside, but I'm still hotter than you" sort of look. I'm sure I can pull it off in this pathetically refrigerator-like state of yours. Oh, I have a bone to pick with that Melanie Morin girl. First of all, Drew Barrymore is, like, my idol, so don't go there, and just because you look bad in classy clothing, or in any sort of clothing, for that matter, it doesn't mean you have to diss attractive people, like me, for wearing it. I wear that stuff to make guys want to go out with me, not to impress them. That is all, bye-ee.

By: Melanie Morin
    Hey, everybody! This is Tiffany again. Now, I know you all have probably missed me greatly for the past few weeks, and I've sorta missed you, too. Well, not really. Anyway, I've been at my other house on my private island in the Bahamas, where my parents always take me during this time of year. They took me back early this time, though, because they said I have to take these so-called "mid-terms." What's up with that? I'll get to those later, though. When I got off the plane in Portland, I noticed something outside. Everything was white. It looked pretty cool from inside, but when I actually walked outside I almost died. What the heck is wrong with this place? I can't wear any of my cut-off shirts or mini-skirts in this weather! I mean, I got a bunch of sweaters that make me look really hot, but I'm still always freezing in this place. My parents said that this is why they always took me away during the winter, and I can't thank them enough for ridding me of that white, fluffy filth for so long and that stupid "Jack Frost" guy I keep hearing about.
    So, after begging my parents to take me away again, they said that I had to stay because of that whole "mid-term" thing I was talking about. I talked to me teachers about it and asked if there was any way I could get out of them, and they said that I needed an 'A' on my report card for 1st and 2nd quarter. A little confused, I asked, "So, I don't have to take them?" I don't