Feminine Hatred

doubt that the latter of these two reasons applies to this situation, because, of course, when attractive people speak, it doesn't matter what they say!
My hatred for this new film may stem from my feelings of utter repulsion towards one of the films stars: Drew Barrymore. Why is this woman famous? So she was in a movie when she was really young and looked cute, big deal! She also became an alcoholic and a drug addict when she was 11, and none of us could ever forget that disturbing moment when she flashed David Letterman while dancing atop his desk. However, her personal escapades have nothing to do with her level of talent. Yes, talent…which she doesn't have! Has anyone seen the movie Never Been Kissed? Or the Wedding Singer? Or the previews of Charlie's Angels? Well, I sure have, and I don't understand why this girl isn't condemned to the fiery pits of untalented has-been commercial drones? This isn't right! And I'm not even going to mention the mental health of Tom Green for actually getting engaged to this annoying beast. Perhaps I'm a little cynical of her, but I doubt it.
To conclude my simple message, I would like to say that the superficial ways of movie-goers will probably never be incinerated, but there is still hope! Well, not really.

By  Melanie Morin

Recently, the new Charlie's Angle's flick debuted at #1 in the theaters. Shame on you, humanity! Shame! Why would you people spend money to see this movie? What is wrong with you? Granted, I haven't actually gone to see the film myself, but that's because I know exactly what the movie will try to convey to its audience: Women can be beautiful, kind, and intelligent, and still know how to party!
This has been the plot line of way too many a movie, and I'm tired of it! First of all, there are very few women who have all of these qualities, so when a movie like this comes out, unattractive stupid people <cough, cough> feel badly. But, of course, movies like this have to be made in order to please all of those mouthy feminists out there who still feel the need to prove their superiority to men.
Many film critics have described the film as "sexy." Sexy as in a bunch of dumb girls jumping around in skimpy outfits? Or sexy as in intellectually stimulating? I highly

I'm Old, Fat, and Cranky, so YOU Have to Suffer!!!

By: Dominick Ward-Pistone
"What is it that makes them liberal youngsters tick eh?  They think they can just run around makin' propositions as towards how they gonna fix the nation… the nation I fought for!  Well, maybe not technically fought for, but I gave our loyal troops my support!  Yup, I couldn't actually fight, seein' as how I'm flat-footed… never mind.  Well anyhoo, all I's wanna know is what them kids think they're doin'?  Day by day, they go 'round listnin' ta their crazy music, all the while never takin' no mind towards what their elders tell them to do!  Now they got their fancy television sets, ain't none of em' ever read no more.  There's so much more ta find in a book!  True, books don't have live animation, sound amplifiers, telecommunications, word processers, online shopping connections, or interactive software like all o' them computers… well that don't matter!  All o' them kids out there need ta learn some respect!  Now if you'll excuse me, I must be getting back to my job at the Motor Vehicle Bureau, so that I can flunk another kid based on my pre-judgment and the fact that I forgot to take my lithium this morning…" 
Wait! Stop… before you get the wrong impression of my article, I'd like to clarify the message that I was trying to get across.  I'm not in complete opposition of the elderly

generation… I'm in complete opposition of old, fat, cranky diehards who feel that it is their duty to impose their bigoted views of restricting the rights of young people upon this nation of free-minded people.  They seem to feel that young people ought to talk, write, gather, and believe in the exact same things that they do!  Does this violation remind you of anything? Check up on the First Amendment for further clarification.
Many people would obviously not concur with my belief that such old, fat, and cranky people exist.  To this, I cannot help but return to the fact that when we can't even pass a law allowing a certain REVOLUTIONARY ("revolutionary…" oh no! Not that!) controlled substance to be used for medicinal purposes.  What's worse is that the same old, fat, and cranky people are going to clot the voting booths come election day, in order to ensure that those very same people who will be deprived of a proper sedative, will NOT be allowed to put themselves out of their unrelenting misery.  Countless numbers of people will now be forced to suffer because a group of old, fat, cranky people refuse to allow "such events to transpire."  However, I feel that it was necessary to write this article.  In fact, it seemed to take every old, fat, and cranky bone in my body to actually write a complaint to be truly worthy of a, well… you know.

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