Attitude 2.0

By: Eric Nelson
Hello, Erichoholics! Welcome to yet another WRESTLING THEMED article by yours truly, exclusive to the Blue Blaze! It's come to my attention that, number one, wrestling is not apparently cool, and two, that some are irritated I choose to write about such a ridiculous topic for the official school paper. Strangely enough, I received some sarcasm from my last article, yet I have heard no backlash about that "humor" section that focused around ice cream for dogs. That was the leading reason in my column being sent in at the last minute for this issue, because I had to sit back and think, "Should I write about wrestling yet again? Or should I take two pages to review a movie that nobody likes, a punk show that Brandy doesn't care about, or a pet treat that draws a few laughs?" The bottom line, to me at least, was that if 22 million people watch "Stone Cold" Steve Austin drink beer and use cement mixers to destroy convertibles over Ross and Monica over on "Friends", then I can't be too bad off writing about the sport of kings one more time.
I have no grievances against shows like "Friends" or "Charmed" or whatever it is people watch besides men in tights, except for the fact that typical celebrities are boring in real life and are pampered too much. If Courtney Cox messes up a line on "Friends", then she gets retake after retake, all the while earning a massive paycheck. If The Rock botches his delivery over on "RAW," though, he just does something else, and earns his night's pay. Also, I would pick Steve Austin's entrance music (done by the band Disturbed) any day

over that poppy "Friends." Many people put up a big time fuss over Ian Crocker - a Portland, Maine native - winning the gold medal over in Sydney, Australia a few weeks back. Should those Crocker fans need to go from one Olympic hero to another, The WWF has their own American Hero in Kurt Angle, who won the gold for Wrestling at the 1996 Summer games before dominating the professional ranks.
And as far as anti-WWF fans go? Brace yourselves, because you'll be seeing the Federation's superstars in a lot of places in the weeks to come. After a highly successful layout in a men's entertainment magazine, female superstar Chyna has an auto-biography due soon, and already has a new fitness tape out that is topping the Sports/Recreational tape sales charts. Also, The Rock has a large role in "The Mummy: 2." and will

even be starring in the next movie of the "Mummy" series following that. Around Christmas time The WWF plans to release "The Music: Volume 5" and "Aggression 2": follow-ups to the top-10 albums the Federation had throughout 1999. "Volume 5" will feature more of the wrestler entrance themes that landed "Volume 4" in the Billboard top five last year, and "Aggression 2" is scheduled to have re-mixes of wrestler themes by top hip-hop acts such as DMX and Jay-Z. So with Wrestling being oh-so-popular these days, why not give it some more publicity in the good old Blue Blaze? Twenty-two million people watch the WWF a week - 105,000 of them whom have recently registered to vote for the first time this November - just cannot be that wrong in picking their programming, and as long as Ice Cream for Dog's has a place in your lives, so will WWF Attitude…get it?

flash of strobe lights and cameras.
And, it went on like that for forty five minutes. The band played the school song, the captains and co- captains of the fall sports teams got their moment in the limelight... and then, it was done, and Mr. Gore drove off with his managerie of snipers, secret service, and police of various sorts. The next day, things went on like they always did. And, it's only September.