The Psyc O'Pooh

By: Dominick Ward-Pistone

The next couple of issues of the Blue Blaze may contain instalments of "The Psyc O' Pooh." This is an article which labels each of the characters from the popular children's stories, called "Winnie the Pooh," with a mental or behavioral disorder. Why is this important? Well, it isn't.

Who better to start off with than that famous yellow bear, whom we have all grown to love, Winnie the Pooh. One thing is particularly puzzling about Winnie the Pooh, and that is his extreme obesity. Why is Pooh so fat? Well the answer is, Pooh suffers from anxiety. He turns to food as his companion. He believes that the answer to his problems lies within his vast collection of honey jars. He simply cannot keep his hands off of that sweet, golden, viscous fluid. Furthermore, what compels this overweight bear to seek refuge in honey? Why must he continuously journey to the hive of bees, whom he knows are hostile and irritable, and take the honey from within their homes? Is he driven by hunger? No, the real reason why he is always committing theft from the bees is because, Pooh is kleptic. He simply cannot stop himself from stealing, no matter how many times he is stung, and no matter how many times he slams his head on the ground as a result of falling from the tops of tree branches. Poor Pooh has more problems than Disney would like to acknowledge.

The next on our list of "cartoon characters with problems" is the unhappy mule known as Eeyore. Poor Eeyore seems to always be in a slow, sluggish, and sad mood. What is the cause of his unhappy nature? Eeyore suffers from depression, a mental disorder that plagues countless numbers of people on the planet Earth. It seems that the cause of Eeyore's depression is the continuous loss of his tail. I feel, however, that the real source behind Eeyore's absent mindedness is a thing I like to call, "a lack of self respect." Consider for a moment why Eeyore is always losing his tail. It is pinned on with a mere safety pin. Any other personified mule with half a brain would know better than to pin his/her tail to themselves with a mere safety pin. If it were myself, I would use superglue. Leave it to Eeyore to dismiss the sensible ideas.

TO BE CONTINUED...